just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
