i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
