No, drunk sperm still make babies.
organizing the empties. That sober.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
