I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
