I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Sorry my hands just texted you
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
