do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
