Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
