i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
