I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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