he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
