piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
