i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
