This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
