just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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