So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
