Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
