don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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