cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
