your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
