saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
this hospital has no fireball
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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