Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
