just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
