the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
