Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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