Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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