Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
