I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
