toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
