I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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