i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
