my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
