he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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