6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
