Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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