3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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