There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I believe in your delicious
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
