The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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