My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
