Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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