saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
