I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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