Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
