'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
