is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
