Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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