If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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