it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
