He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
