i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
