there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
