im having a threesome with these popsicles
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
His nipple licking is glorious
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