Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
