Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
