His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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