i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
COCAINE IS GR8
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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