my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize