You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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