Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
