Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
