she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
