I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
