she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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