how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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