Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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