Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Randomize
