took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
