fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
