things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
