We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize