It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
