he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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