she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
