she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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