he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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