She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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