This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
